Your Authentic Self: Love Who You Are Right Now

 Many of us live our lives on autopilot. We exist day to day programmed like an automaton and never consider the choices we have. We let our old habits dominate what we do and what we think. We have walked down the same familiar, well-worn path for so long that we assume this is what life is all about. We unwittingly accept it and do not believe it can be any better or different. We can become so entrenched in our old habits that we do not even realize that we are not living but are only surviving.

If you think about it, many of us have spent the better part of our lives operating based on a series of false beliefs. These beliefs can make us feel as if we are somehow inadequate. We learned to say and do things to keep the peace and make others happy. But, who is working on making us happy? This task, my friends, is ours and ours alone. Researchers suggest that our ability to be congruent with ourselves and others is linked to our happiness.

When we are congruent with ourselves, our inner world matches our outer world. We are our "authentic self." Being our authentic self is about reconnecting with who we are. It is about being true to ourselves. It is about having our thoughts (inner world), words, and actions (outer world) match. It is about honoring our feelings and having the confidence to express them. It is about going deep inside and letting go of the false beliefs, which are not serving us any longer.

Individuals who are controlled by their negative programmed false beliefs frequently want to please others over themselves. They also have a hard time being authentic. It can be terrifying to do or say things that go against the norm, the tried and true. Our ability to be authentic is often challenged in our relationships, where we find ourselves discarding our own wants and needs to make room for what we think others desire. We fear the repercussions of our words and actions. "Will he or she still accept me if I speak my truth?" "What will happen if I say no?"

Being authentic allows us to love and accept ourselves at our core, to do what makes us happy, and to follow our passions regardless of who we may disappoint. Doing so may leave us vulnerable, but at the same time, allows for the creation of genuine, intimate relationships filled with unconditional love.

What does loving ourselves feel like? It is about treating ourselves with kindness, concern, and compassion. It is about not judging ourselves harshly or punishing ourselves for every mistake we make. It is about being warm and understanding, recognizing our inadequacies and imperfections, and responding to them with the same level of support and respect we freely offer others. It is about liking who we are, lock, stock, and barrel.

Self-love compels us to act with our best interest in mind and challenges us to ask, "Why not?" As they say, whatever does not kill you will make you stronger. Imagine the inner strength you will develop as you flex this muscle.

We naturally love ourselves when we have appropriate self-worth and self-esteem. These things allow us to be internally whole and let us interact with the world as our authentic selves. There is one other thing that is required to love ourselves. It necessitates we move beyond our fears. It demands us to have the courage to feel our feelings and honor them, regardless of where they may lead.

We have to be willing to risk showing our true self, complete with all of our imperfections, shortcoming, and insecurities when we are our authentic selves. We have to embrace who we are instead of who we think we should be. We also have to be prepared to love ourselves enough to accept the costs and consequences our words and actions may elicit from others. It might sting in the moment, but in hindsight many come to realize it was the best and smartest thing they ever did. Being authentic creates a foundation where we can begin to experience joy and happiness in all we do every day of our lives.

Excerpt from: The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist

© Copyright Rita Louise, Inc. - SoulHealer.com. All rights reserved.

Dr. Rita Louise is a gifted empath and talented clairvoyant medical intuitive. She is a Naturopathic physician and the founder of the Institute Of Applied Energetics that trains students in the art of medical intuition, intuitive counseling, and energy medicine. She has authored six books, including her new title The Dysfunctional Dance , and produced several feature-length and short films. Dr. Louise has appeared on radio, television and in movies and has lectured on health and healing, ghosts, intuition, ancient mysteries and the paranormal. Her books and articles have worldwide circulation. You can visit her webpage at https://soulhealer.com or https://medical-intuitives.com

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How To Get Through Depression or Personal Struggle and Start Healing Right Now

Self-Compassion - Same As Self-Love?

 People fail. From time to time they mess up on the challenges of family relationships, life style, work etc. And when they blunder, they suffer adverse consequences. No wonder then that we speak of being kind and sympathetic to those who fail - who are struggling financially, emotionally, or interpersonally. But when it comes to our own problems, do we feel we ought to show the same thoughtfulness, the same gentleness, the same tolerance? Don't we need self-care as well as care for others? The mindfulness movement advocates we practice self-compassion.

"Self-compassion is a practice in which we learn to be a good friend for ourselves when we need it most - to become an inner ally rather than an inner enemy." (Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer, mindfulness teachers)

Why is self-compassion needed?
"All of us wish we'd had perfect childhoods, with a mother and father who modelled ideal parental attitudes and taught us to internalize the tenets of self-love. Many of us, however, did not." (Marianne Williamson, American author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist.)

Self-compassion and self-criticism
One can be sympathetically honest with a good friend regarding their weaknesses or mistakes.

"Sure, the job of high school teachers is not to tear down students' self-esteem. But it's certainly not to inflate students' sense of self-worth with a bunch of unearned compliments and half-truths." (L.Z. Granderson, American journalist)

Likewise having self-compassion and accepting our own faults does not mean agreeing with them. Honest self-acceptance can lead to correcting our mistakes. Self-evaluation is the vital first step towards personal change.

We can be self-critical without indulging in harsh self-criticism. Unless we honestly look at ourselves, we are in danger of self-justification, amounting to self-deception.

Self-compassion and self-pity
One can have sympathy towards one's own plight without being absorbed in oneself and wallowing in self-pity.

"Self-pity is never useful. It tends to distort like a fun-house mirror." (Anne Roiphe, American feminist and author)

"Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make." (Eckhart Tolle, spiritual author and teacher)

Self-indulgence
One can be kind to oneself without going on a self-indulgent binge or spending spree. Self-compassion is compatible with self-restraint.

I would suggest there has been a pressure on people to look perfect heightened by the celebrity culture. This has led to inadequate feelings particularly in many women exploited by advertising.

"L'Oreal's slogan 'because you're worth it' has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card." (Geoff Mulgan, British social and political writer)

Self-interest
Loving oneself is good. For unless we love ourselves, how could we hope to love others? Likewise, without self-respect, how could we respect others?

There is a balance needed between love of self and love of others. A big difference lies between, on the one hand, having sufficient love and compassion for yourself and, on the other hand, narcistic self-love. The latter amounts to prioritising self-love which is never going to lead to feeling compassionate towards others in need. For when self-love rules, it results in self-serving, self-interest and selfishness.

"A modest dose of self-love is entirely healthy - who would want to live in a world where everyone hated themselves? But taken too far, it soon becomes poisonous." (Geoff Mulgan)

Lack of self-compassion blocks compassion for others.
Compassion for others may sound like a tall order. This is the case especially for those of us who lack self-compassion. But it is a higher calling.

Compassion is the key to living outside the confines of your lower self. (Debbie Ford, American self-help author and coach))

Can self-compassion as we have defined it, actually help us to find this deeper concern for others?

"Self-compassion encourages mindfulness, or noticing your feelings without judgment; self-kindness, or talking to yourself in a soothing way; and common humanity, or thinking about how others might be suffering similarly." (Rachel Simmons, American author)

How can we care for others if we cannot practice self-care? How can we be kind to others unless we are kind to ourselves? However, when we accept our own difficulty and unhappiness then we can better recognise that of others. Our pain is part of the shared human experience. Everyone makes mistakes and experiences hardships in life. As Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer point out, we are all flawed works in progress. When we see this then it helps us to feel connected with others in the same boat as ourselves. It facilitates a compassionate attitude towards our common humanity.

Self-compassion and Christian heritage
I see this growing interest in self-compassion as a healthy reaction against an unfortunate strand in our Western Christian heritage. This has been in my view a somewhat punitive notion of God. It assumes f there is a possibility the God who is love and mercy itself might not want to forgive us for any wrongdoing.

According to the analysis of spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg, this mistaken attitude stems from treating the biblical picture of multiple deity as literally true when it's meaning is metaphorical. Not three Gods but three aspects of the one God. As a result of this error a common image of God the Father has been one of wanting humankind to suffer for falling by the wayside. This anger, it is supposed, could only be appeased through the self-sacrifice of God the Son.

I would say this mistaken notion of deity has resulted in the traditional idea of 'original sin'. If true such a doctrine would mean we are all born guilty sinners deserving harsh treatment.

Such a negative view has permeated our ways of thinking. Unsurprisingly, we are quick to criticise our own shortcomings, failings and wrong-doing as warranting ill-fortune, punishment or rejection. And some of us actually condemn ourselves as unworthy of self-respect and care of others. The Gospel, however, is clear about our proper attitude to ourselves.

"Love your neighbour as yourself" (Jesus Christ)

As a clinical psychologist, Stephen Russell-Lacy has specialised in cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, working for many years with adults suffering distress and disturbance.

He edits Spiritual Questions a free eZine that explores links between spiritual philosophy and the comments and questions of spiritual seekers. You can share your views and find out more about making sense of life.

His eBook Heart, Head and Hands draws links between the psycho-spiritual teachings of the eighteenth century spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg and current ideas in therapy and psychology.

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Mel Robbins: The TRUTH about friendship

Tips for Better Self Care

 It can be difficult to make time for self-care in our busy schedules. We run from one commitment to another, filling every gap in our life with work, study, family and social events. The chaos of modern life makes it even more important that we take the time to care for our individual wellbeing, both physically and mentally.

If you are struggling with your own self-care, consider these five tips to improve your habits.

1. Add self-care to your normal routine
When planning your weekly schedule, make sure that you have time for self-care. Cementing its place in your routine means that you will be more likely to commit to self-care as you will have allocated time specifically reserved for it. The more often you practice self-care, the more it will become a habit and part of your regular life.

2. Do what suits you
Self-care looks for different for everyone. Some people enjoy getting outdoors, others like catching up with friends and some people prefer sitting at home losing themselves in a good book or movie. Identify what makes you feel better and commit to that. Donít feel pressured by what others consider self-care; long walks arenít for everyone.

3. Practice gratitude
Engaging in regular gratitude practice is a valuable habit and a worthwhile way to spend your allocated self-care time. Take some time each day or week to write down three things that you are grateful for. Try to think of unique things that have happened for that week, rather than repeating the same common things each time. It may be difficult at first, but the more you practice gratitude the easier it will become. Regular participation in gratitude exercises trains your brain to be more thankful and positive about the things you have in your life, rather than focusing on the things you donít have or things that arenít going so well.

4. Be brave and try something new
Trying something new is a great way to break the monotony of everyday life. Your mental health will benefit and you will learn new skills, both through the actual activity but also in regard to managing your nerves and being open to new opportunities. Itís a great way to take care of your mental, and depending on the activity, physical health.

It's time for you to make you a priority.

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Stop caring about what other people think | Mel Robbins

The Five Levels of Deep Habit And Behavior Change

 We develop patterns, which we call habits.

They're like being bundled up in warm blankets with soft pillows on a cold morning; comforting, supportive, relaxing. Who would want to willingly change that? Continuing the metaphor, it can feel like moving to a sleeping bed on a hard floor, no air mattress, and the heater isn't working.

Since we are in a period of paradigm-shifting, life-altering, stress-inducing, overwhelming change, I thought it might be helpful to understand why it's so difficult to get new habits to stick.

Firstly, remind thyself that all change is spawned of fear, force, or pain.

No one wakes up thinking, "I love my life! Let me see how I can change it." We change because we see no alternative and because the "old system" wasn't cutting it anymore. Maybe times are different. Maybe we're different. But something must adjust, and sadly it's us. Being inspired to change by "negative" feelings also automatically puts us at a disadvantage as we're not thinking clearly to begin with.

To that end, know that there are actually five levels we must tweak, each deeper than the one prior if we're going to make our sleeping bag become a cushy, fluffy bed.

The simplest, easiest adjustment is Environment; defined as that which "I see."

Let's say you've decided to be socially responsible and be concerned with the greater good by wearing a facemask. However, each time you leave the house, you forget your mask. An example of Environment change could be relocating your mask to a hook by the front door. Now, it will prompt you to wear it. Simple. Easy.

But it might not stay with you if you don't change the next level: Behaviors, that which "I do." If I don't modify those, my Environment reverts to unsupportive.

Continuing with our illustration, upon returning home, you remove your mask and put it in the washing machine. That makes sense, but that behavior means that when you leave, Environment is no longer provoking you to wear a mask. Consequently, a Behavior change must take place, such as obtaining a few masks and placing them all at the front door, plus remembering to hang cleaned masks there when you finish the laundry. This alleviates the difficulty of "forgetting" to wear one.

"But, I can't keep remembering to put masks all around my house," you might reply. Welcome to level three: Capabilities, that which you "can" or "cannot" do.

Your perceived - and that's the operative word - Capabilities determine which Behaviors will stick or fade.

If your internal dialog is, "I don't have time to do this," or "I have too much else to do," you'll give up new Behaviors, putting you back to square one.

Capabilities are born of Beliefs, level four. Beliefs, despite appearing as facts to us, are really not.

They are feelings. They are not true for all but are to us. Continuing in our mask saga, if my Belief is that "masks are unnecessary and a pain in the behind" (um, poor choice of body parts for masks but you get my drift... ), then you will consider it unimportant and pointless to amend your Capabilities to reinforce that you can indeed managing a couple masks. Resultingly, new Behaviors fade, Environment becomes unsupportive, old habits returns. If my Belief changes to "I feel it's important to wear a mask, no matter how awkward," Capabilities shift, producing a positive domino effect.

With only a few hundred words, I can't really delve deep into the concept of Beliefs, as there are so many extenuating conditions that affect them. \

However, the Universal Truth they have in common is that they are the outgrowth of the deepest level, Identity, those words following "I am... "

We possess multiple Identities in which we adorn ourselves, depending on conditions. For example, my Identity of "Romantic" is certainly welcome and appropriate when it's my wife, yet would be out of line with my co-worker. Identities, like outfits, adjust to the settings in which we find ourselves. Rounding out the now over worn mask tale, if my Identity is "I am too busy to deal with this," my Belief might be "this is ridiculous;" yet again collapse the dominos. Should I alter my Identity to "I am socially responsible and concerned about spreading the virus," then Beliefs correct to "I feel it's important to figure out a way to do this." My Capabilities will now line up that empowerment. Behaviors adapt. Environment adjusts. New habit locks in.

Whether talking about pandemics, weight loss, productivity, or personal relationships, the pattern remains the same.

Scott "Q" Marcus is a motivational weight loss expert who specializes on helping baby boomers live happier, healthier lives. He is a professional speaker, Syndicated Columnist, and the CRP (Chief Recovering Perfectionist) of ThisTimeIMeanIt.com, a site for people who are tired of making promises to themselves but are willing to do what it takes to actually makes changes. He conducts on-line workshops on change each month at http://www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com/intentions

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